Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (movie review)

When I was seven years old, my mom told me that for doing something good (I can’t remember what it was: a good grade, completing some chore), she would bring home a surprise for me. Well, she did. She bought me my first Transformer, Ravage. The transformer that could transform into a jaguar and a cassette tape.  Although there are much cooler Transformers that I liked more than him, Ravage holds a special place on Nathan’s memory lane, just because it was my mom who knew me well enough to know what would make an awesome reward for a job well done.

Never in a million years would I ever imagine that I’d see a live-action Ravage on the big screen. And it was worth the 22 year wait. Unfortunately, that was one of the few things worth seeing in this new edition to the Transformers universe.

Michael Bay is simply not good at sequels. His OTHER sequel is Bad Boys 2 (the first, of which, I liked a lot). Why on earth would Will Smith make that the only sequel he’s done so far is beyond me. That movie was terrible. And T: ROTF has shown me definitively that Bay gets so lost in his… Bayness, that he just loses it by the second movie.

I am not a Bay-hater. I like the first Transformers, The Rock, Armegeddon, the aforementioned Bad Boys, and the second half of Pearl Harbor (none of those, except Transformers, looks like it’s going to age well but they were good for their time). I do, however, now agree with many of his critics that he has hit a new low.

The minor flaws of the first Transformers (out-of-character dialogue and actions, bad potty humor, and nutty characters) are simply amplified in this movie. Sam’s roommate is definitely the prime example. Why do we need another computer hacker?? The first team of hackers in T1 were almost unnecessary and in this one they are completely unnecessary. And am I the only one who thought his roommate was a mirror image of Sam? It seems to me that every character was plain crazy. They ranted and raved and lived with amped up emotions ALL THE TIME. You know it’s bad when Agent Simmons is the most likable human character in the entire movie.

I am a simple man. I do not need Matrix/Dark Knight level sub-text in my action movies every time to enjoy them.  I just asked to be entertained. But, sexually charged dogs (and one transformer) is not my idea of funny and it’s not my idea of entertainment.  In fact, if you have noticed, even though I’m a Youth Pastor, I have stayed out of the movie ratings and content debate. There are plenty of other websites designed for that which I recommend. But, in this movie, the innuendo, drug use, anotomically correct robots, and other inappropriate actions and dialogue were so out there and in your face, I just have to say it brought my level of enjoyment way down. I cannot recommend this movie to teenagers because of its content and that makes me angry considering how much I love Transformers.

(SPOILERS AHEAD) Most movies intensify from scene to scene as it builds to a climax. Bay is known for skipping all that and just have the entire movie be one big climax. T2 does just that. You have tons of new stuff in this one: old transformers that are rediscovered, Megatron is resurrected, The Fallen (an ancient Transformer, considered to be among the first decepticons) is introduced, Prime dies and then is resurrected, and Devestator makes an appearance. Way too much for one movie- even one that runs 2 1/2 hours.

The CGI was impressive. The close-up shots were so well done I remember thinking that I could not at all tell that it was fake and I tried to look for flaws!  The biggest disappointments in F/X came when Devestator ripped the top of that pyramid off. That looked totally fake to me. Also, all those nameless decepticons on screen at once- you could tell they skimped on the details.

Soundwave was a pleasant surprise for me. Criminally underused, his translation to the big screen was flawless. One minor stroke of genius on the side of the screenwriters to turn him from a cassette player to a satellite and then have him shoot off parts of him that turn into none other than… RAVAGE!   That part was awesome.

I loved the scene on Cybertron with the decepticons. I liked it so much it made me realize how much MORE this franchise could be if they played down the number of useless human characters and focused more on the robots. Yes, I know the first movie is guilty of this, but again, the Bay-ness in this movie was super-sized.

The future of the franchise:  After I saw the first movie, one of the thoughts I had was: “Now that the novelty of seeing live-action Transformers on the big screen is wearing off, is there enough left there to continue the story?” Or something like that. But, yes, I do think there is more story to tell, just not through the eyes of Micheal Bay. He’s proven to be unable to make lightening strike twice.  Also, someone told me that this movie felt most like the cartoon in one particular way: TONS of robots on screen with little to no dialogue. They’re right about that. I do remember the 1986 movie being a massive attempt at getting every Transformer on-screen within the 90 minute running time. And you know what? I thought it was annoying then and I was only 8.  So, I welcome some of the needed changes to be made to help make Transformers work in live-action format.

I liked all the Transformers in this one- including the Twins to some extent (they should have kept the ice cream truck, that was a nice touch). But, everything else- bad acting, bad screenplay, too many characters on screen given too little screen time to make you care about any of them, and more bad potty humor make this the worst movie I’ve seen all summer.

I can’t even believe I’m writing that. Ugh. So disappointed.

4/10

 

Here’s a funny mash-up of the trailers for Transformers and Terminator Salvation for your viewing pleasure: